Thorns in my heart

As I begin to write, the words flow like a gentle stream carrying with them the weight of emotions I have long carried within me. I have always been a complex individual with layers of thoughts and feelings that often eluded those around me. I would pour my heart out, hoping to be heard and understood, only to be met with blank stares and misguided attempts of empathy. As if I am speaking a language that is uniquely my own and no one else understands it. I've learned to articulate my feelings with greater clarity and found words that can bridge the gap between my inner world and the outer one. I was drowning in a sea of emotions and struggled to keep my head above despair and loneliness many times in my life. I knew that I had to find a way to move forward and rebuild my life from the ashes of the past that required immense courage. I am still struck by the profound lessons heartbreak taught me. In the quiet corners of my mind there lies a garden of thorns. Each thorn represents a hurt, a pain, a disappointment that has pierced my heart at some point in my life. Some thorns are old, embedded deeply in my flesh, while others are fresh, still causing a sharp, searing pain whenever touched. What hurts the most is not the thorns themselves, but the fact that nobody seems to understand the language of my heart. They see the thorns, but they fail to see the beauty of the roses that bloom alongside them. They see my pain, but they fail to see the love that runs deep within me. I have always been a hopeless romantic, a dreamer who believes in the power of love to heal all wounds, but time and time again, I have been let down. My heart was shattered into a million pieces by those who were unable to love me for who I am. I remember the first time I fell in love. It was a romance full of passion and intensity, but as quickly as it came, it was gone just like that, leaving me empty and broken. I thought I had found my happily ever after, but instead, I found myself drowning in a sea of tears and heartache. I have died a thousand little deaths, each time I uttered the words "I'm fine" with a forced smile on my face and I have died a little more with each betrayal, each disappointment, each rejection. And yet, with each death, I have somehow found the strength to rise again and to believe in the power of love once more. It has been absurd at times, the way life has thrown me curveballs when I least expected it. But through it all, I have learned to embrace the thorns in my heart, to see them not as weaknesses, but as badges of honor, proof of the battles I have fought and the scars I have earned. In the end I have found peace and acceptance that I never thought is possible. I have learned that love is not always easy and it's not always smooth sailing, but it is worth fighting for, worth enduring the thorns and the pain to experience the beauty that lies on the other side. I walk through my garden of thorns with my heart open. I am no longer afraid of the pain and hurt. Instead, I embrace it all, knowing that it is a part of me, a part of my story, a part of who I am. As I move forward, I do so with hope in my heart and with love as my guiding light because I know now that no matter how many times I may die a little death, I will always rise again, stronger and more resilient than before. All that truly matters is the ability to endure, to survive, to love and be loved in return. 

Sincerely,

anettehehhe@gmail.com